May 15 marks 34 years that I have lived in the Atlanta area, almost half of my life. I was planning on this being a way station in my career. I planned on spending a few years as a hardware instructor and then hoping to get a job as a Systems Engineer. Good thing that didn’t happen since the SE job went away. I eventually wound up as a Systems Programmer which was the best job I ever had with IBM. It would have been even better had I not worked for a CDSM©.
I’ve seen a lot of changes in the past 34 years but one thing that hasn’t changed is the traffic (except for getting worse) or the rules for driving in Atlanta. This comes from someone’s Farcebook post. I did not write it altho’ I wish I had.
HOW TO DRIVE IN ATLANTA:
1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, Atlana. Old-timers are still allowed to call it Alana. (Or people from Alabama. – GOC)
2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 am to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 9:00 pm. Friday’s rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
3. The minimum acceptable speed on I-285 is 80 mph. On I-75 and I-85, your speed is expected to at least match the highway number. Anything less is considered ‘wussy’. (I-285 is also known as the Watermelon 500. – GOC)
4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Atlanta has its own version of traffic rules. For example, Ferraris and Lamborghinis owned by sports stars go first at a four-way stop. Cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go second. The trucks with the biggest tires go third. The HOV lanes are really designed just for the slow Floridians passing through who are used to hogging the left lane everywhere.
5. If you actually stop at a yellow light or stop sign, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot. Unless there is a police car nearby.
6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It’s another offense that can get you shot.
7. Road construction is permanent and continuous. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night to make the next day’s driving a bit more exciting. Generally, city roads other than the main streets have more potholes and bumps (usually speed bumps) than most dirt roads in the countryside.
8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, possums, skunks, dogs, barrels, cones, furniture, cats, mattresses, shredded tires, squirrels, rabbits, and crows.
9. Be aware that spelling of street names may change from block to block, e.g., Clairmont, Claremont, Clairmonte.
10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been “accidentally activated”. (If you turn on your turn signal to indicate a lane change the person behind you in that lane will immediately speed up to prevent you from entering that lane. That’s why no one uses their turn signals. – GOC)
11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 75 in a 55-65 mph zone, k, e.g., you are considered a road hazard and will be “flipped off” accordingly. If you return the flip, you’ll be shot.
MOST IMPORTANT: If you get LOST, Look for a road named PEACHTREE… Then you are somewhere in Atlanta. (Factoid. There are over 64 roads in Atlanta with Peachtree in their names. – GOC)